31 December 2010

Nothing changes on New Year's Day

It's that time of the year to reflect and look ahead.

First of all, I have a good-looking chess problem for you. It was given to me a few weeks ago, and despite moving around the pieces about daily... I still have yet to find the grand idea that cracks this tough nut. The failing tries all seem to fit... well they almost fit. There's only one real solution: see if you can find it.
Helpmate: black moves first and both sides make legal moves. White's last move mates the black king. Black & white cooperate so that the h1 bishop can deliver mate. Good luck!

Composed by: Milomir Babic, Schach-Aktiv 1997.

While we're at the subject, go check out a few problem related BLOGS too. Definitely worth a click:

Anticircé (by much-lauded heterodox composer Guy Sobrecases)
B3rn04ll1's experiences (by strong composer with pseudonym Bernoulli)
Joaquim (mainly moremovers by J. Crusats)

OK, now that's done - I received instant feedback: don`t post this problemist crap - I have some more chess-related things to blabber about.

FICS: Bughouse/Lightning/Blitz. Nifty site. I've been trying to break 2000 in the bughouse section. I think I'll be done with it after that. The lightning, blitz and standard arenas aren't so interesting. Maybe I'll try another variant next (like Atomic) and see how far I can come.

Playchess: Bullet/Blitz/Unrated. Definitely will have to start playing more rated stuff. It's good to play unrated matches as well as I am sparring many times with the coolest playing partner one can hope for (see the workshops in the previous blog entry). I guess my goal is to play more rated blitz and at least return to my peak rating level. I think it should be possible; after all I'm handier now than I was then.

Club competitions internal & external/FIDE tournaments: in the internal club competition I should at least frequent a few of the rapid & quickplay evenings. I'm not so interested in the normal long rated games. The team competition of course is the most important chess-related activity there is for me, so it goes without saying I'll keep doing that. I "should" start appearing in open tournaments as well, to gather more experience & real rating points. But it's hard for me to pick a random tournament and go there... where am I going to spend the nights?

Internet Correspondence Chess: not going to happen. Simply no motivation. Maybe next year.

Books: openings/endgames. I have the MCO and NCO for crafty opening advice, and among other endgame books I have the manual by Mark Dvoretsky. Why am I out-of-book by move three and then hopelessly lost by move eight? Why do my endgame assessments make me cry three moves later? ...why am I not reading these books? Answer: combination of indifference and laziness. So I guess I'll need to find Dvoretsky's book again (it's lost in some bookcase) and get my chessbrains to work.

Tactical training online: CTS/CT. Both have been on the backburner lately. Why am I not doing them? They should help me in my quest not to give away pieces for free. I'll restart activity on both (promise). I'll even make a blog about it.

Problem chess: the most wonderful form of chess. I haven't been composing much lately, mainly caused by a lack of inspired, bright ideas. This goes hand in hand with my solving activities, which are going with more difficulty too. Still, it's an environment full of wonderful ideas, so I'll continue my flirt affair with it.

Internet chessforum trolling: I'm not sure if and how I will continue. Probably not. Try again in 2012.

BLOGGING. Of course I will keep producing this random nonsense stuff. :-D

May the New Year bring you Happiness, Health and Heaps of newfound rating points.


23 November 2010

Chess workshops

Chess workshops

Hi my name is Heinzk and I'm back with a new entry for this super cool blog... about chess...
I've discovered I'm no good at "explaining chess in natural language"... so let's get straight to the games.

Oh no wait, first a cartoon. Windig & De Jong will actually have a brand new Heinz album called "E" published next Friday. It will be the second part of the H E I N Z series. Here, Heinz, isn't that great news! Smile! Smile!

I've played a lot of Internet games again and - as usual - lost more than I won. Once in a while a somehow really intriguing game comes by (chess is an intriguing game) and of course those are the games that are to be chosen for this blog. I've picked ten of them.
Ten games? Yeah it seems like quite a lot but there's this arrow > button and it will take you through the games without hassle.

...some guys say bullet is the fast food version of chess for ADD/OCD type of people, with no attention span whatsoever, and that it is the first step towards chess's demise. Let me just say it requires two full minutes of intense concentration where a single lapse will instantly kill you. Where else do you find such a thing? :p
And if you find the right opponents it can become quite interesting.

1st game this is an example of what happens when intuition takes over and I become trigger happy.

2nd game to be fair here's an example of me being schooled.
Play online chess

3rd game and this is an example of desperate needs lead to desperate deeds in the last sec of a game
Play online chess

4th game this is how to get flushed in a Najdorf.
Play chess online

5th game this is just plain craziness.
Play online chess

6th game, this is losing in style.
Play chess online

7th game and this is more or less unsound.
Play chess online

8th game this one is simply fantastic.

9th this is just a little cool game.

10th game and I leave you here to contemplate how sound this last one is.

31 October 2010

Very short games and marathon premove skillz

Very short games and marathon premove skillz

The in-between comments may be superfluous, but it must be said that some good chess punch-ups are included below. In other words, you can skip all this text and just click through the Chess.


First of all, here is the mate in eight I was happy to play a few days ago and which inspired me to look for more of such short games. White sees an unsufficiently protected pawn and thinks he can unpin the N with Qxd8+. And then, I say, no waii!!

OK, it's lame I am showing only this considering it was only one out of eighty games in which I was constantly straining myself, trying to keep up in vain, while he was just chilling and beating the crap out of me - so far he has scored a convincing 70.0/79 without even trying. However, this type of game is important for me, as in some way it keeps the chess spirits high. For one thing, it's a friendly gesture of his to give a newbie the chance to play so often in a row. Playing many games with a much stronger player is a way of testing yourself and making yourself think about what he is doing that he is so much better at this activity than you are. Moreover, when winning the statistically justified 1 out of 10 I feel brilliant, in a whim forgetting all about the other nine where I was pretty much a pushover. :)

OK, enough of that self-praising crap (sometimes I need the ego boost) here are some short games from the archives that weren't too obviously finished due to mouse slips or that ended because of external factors like interface/disconnection problems.

That's one of the nice things of having a 10,000+ games database - most of the individual games are virtually meaningless, but all together they form a source that guarantees to find positions and games based on the criterion you happen to choose. And chess is a very nice game, there are many things about it that can aesthetically please me and other chess junkies all around the globe.

OK, lately I have been enjoying FICS and its "bughouse" facility (beware kids, +ch24 is a very rough and hostile community). While hanging around there, I have also become to appreciate the site ficsgames.com: now I have downloaded a PGN of 2500+ blitz/lightning games of mine played in the period 2005-2010. Neat, isn't it? I didn't even know there was an automatic track going on, and now I can find all the moves played in a blitz match I played with a friend on a random afternoon in 2005:-)
My hat is off to the volunteers (user names like Ludens, seberg, knighttour, marcelk if I understand correctly) making this highly interesting Chess Archive Service possible, free of cost.

So thanks to that site and database filtering, here is a short game from FICS I played over two years ago. It's not much, but it's the most entertaining game in under 10 moves I could find. And it's a mildly instructive loss as well. Don't give away your damned pieces.

Play chess online

And here are more shorties from the Web archives

Play chess online

Play chess online

And a few I won before you can say weak dark-square complex

Play online chess

After these quick wrap-ups, here is a marathon game where, despite being down a significant amount of time, I eventually checkmated exactly on the 100th move; 0.1 vs. 20 sec left on the clock.

Play chess online

30 September 2010


Heinz pic

About time I posted something on here again. I'm still deliberating with myself about the "Original Chess©" blog entry and I am still very much convinced that I have valuable ideas to add - in contrast with its current lack of useful volume. Only problem it is still very much a big mess of unsorted oneliners and isolated thoughts... so all that comes later. While thinking about Chess I also have come up with ideas for new blog entries that might be amusing and perhaps even instructive.

For now, well I have been playing Chess every now and then, and nothing much happens. Not too happy about my own chess moves, or should I say I don't make efforts to cheer up my chess moves so they don't make me happy either. In other sports like football you can just go the day, play football, lose because the other team scored more goals, but still everyone sees you have been running your legs off across the whole field, and you and your body have the satisfaction of having done the physical effort. But in chess, the justification of playing chess is that you "win" games. If you win, you made all the right moves, you outsmarted your opponent, you're great. If you lose, it's like you haven't done anything at all... hey, did you play chess today...? Yes, and I lost... Oh, why are you bothering to play chess then? Yeah well uhmmm because I enjoy the experience even when losing...

You really have to keep winning and improving, patting yourself on the back, otherwise you cannot sell it to yourself and to others. So I try to win more. Lately that hasn't been happening all too much. Do I have something meaningful to show here? Maybe, I am just sharing thoughts with myself, two or three readers and another three invisible anonymous guys. So hello! I hope you're still reading. The justification of writing a Blog is that it is read by some others, right? Or else it's so sad.

Just last month I discovered the blog actually keeps track of some visitor statistics, bottom line nobody reads this except myself. Hmm... to avoid this blog from being completely void of anything useful. Here are some chess movements you might possibly enjoy. I don't even know what I want to show here so I'll dive into the archives now... ah here is one. Back from the days I played better and I still had some faith in the Fajarowicz opening... and when I set delicious traps that even good players fell into without questioning whether they should do something about it or not. Hmm... yes.

And because I know you are all waiting for it, here is another problem that can count on Heinzk's seal of approval. White to move and mate in three composed by Karl August Mörtzsch, Leipziger Illustrirte Zeitung 1872.


21 August 2010

This week's brilliancy prize

Chess Dip

Last night I was dreaming about a chessboard that had this amazing Queen moving sequence that went on and on and on. It just refused to stop.
Heinz at sea
So, listening to my inner self's needs, last evening I started playing some games on the net again. All games progressed rather dramatically for me. I played toothless Blitz games like this one

[White "Mechanical Turk 2306"] [Black "Heinzk 2200"] [Result "1-0"]
1. e4 c5 2. Nc3 e6 3. g3 Nc6 4. Bg2 Nf6 5. d3 Be7 6. h3 d5 7. exd5 e5 1-0

And within half an hour I had played fewer moves than the amount of rating points I had lost. OK, who cares about this e-rating ego rubbish anyway. So I played a few more. Things became worse and worse. My openings left me with useless positions and waayyy down on time. My opponents had nothing to worry about, and then I gave away pieces for no apparent reason. Resign. Reset pieces. Next game. This nonsense went on for a while.

Just when I was about to lose all confidence in the skills I have carefully built up over the years, I found myself playing against a 2150+ FIDE Spanish guy. Here is the account of that game.

This week's brilliancy prize

Play online chess

Tadaa. That will suppress my chess addiction for a while.

This Nc6 Nxc6 e5 idea is not all that original; I actually knew there was a predecessor while I was playing the moves. I saw this petite combinaison years ago, back in the days I played oldschool chess with an even more feeble foundation. It is possible to find any game of chess played in history through a quick Google query. "Nc6 Nxc6" "e5" led me to Tim Krabbé's site. Take a look around, he has collected a lot of aesthetically pleasing chess games. Krabbé frequently updated a Chess Diarrhea as well, but only scarcely since 2008. He's kind of a vain poser, like me. I like him. Googling Kholmov - Bronstein, Kiev 1964 led me to the game in full to click through; it is actually somewhat more beautiful, complex and sound than my random online effort. Nevertheless I enjoyed my own game - mainly because I finally won one? - and I thought it was wicked enough to show off here.

12 August 2010


Oh My Goodness this blog has become so longwinded, unorganized, chaotic, nonsensical and incoherent that it will take me some time to upload it to the Interwebz as I had intended it with all the pictures and stuff. Currently only the normal rules of the game are covered and even that isn't done all too comprehensively. Thank you for your understanding & patience. 206 edits so far. You can read the older blog entries while this one is under contruction. More to come after the commercial break. Stay tuned.


The following Heinzk blog entry is loosely based on documents such as FIDE's Laws of Chess, László Polgár's Reform-chess introduction and the Stratego manual.
I hope to extend this entry over time, so it will eventually completely cover "everything" related to this children's game called "Chess".

Maybe that is a tad overambitious considering the current state of affairs, but I can hope.


Spelregels - Règles du jeu - Spielregeln
Rules of the game - Spelregler - Spilleregler
Regole del gioco - Reglas del juego


Check if all action figures are included in the Jumbo Chess-box®; 16 white ones and 16 black ones. Don't forget to put all pieces back in the specially designed Chess-box® after the game has ended, or you might end up losing a pawn or two.
"AFTER THE GAME, THE KING AND PAWN GO BACK INTO THE SAME BOX!!" cried an angry chessplayer once, when he noticed a pawn was missing and he was forced to use a checkers piece until one of his pawns was captured.

Jumbo Chess-box®

Kingie 1 Queeniepeeniemeanie 1 Rookie 2 Bishies 2 knights 2 pawn 8


Schaken is een supergaaf familiespel dat al vele eeuwen gepracticeerd wordt over de hele wereld.


L'échecs est un jeu d'enfants pas mal.


Schach ist sehr schön und richtig toll.


Schack är ett bräd- och strategispel för två deltagare.

(oh come on cut out this crap... use English plz)



PLAYING TIME: life sentence
AGES: 8-88


White attacks on the Queenside. Is the defense strong enough?!
Your opponent attacks your King. Bluff or not?
You destroy your opponent's pawn structure. Decisive or not?
Your King is protected by a Rook. Is the King safe enough now?



Chess is a game full of adventures and unpleasant surprises.
You are in control of a 16-headed army of varying ranks.
You are the commander-in-chief.
You are awesome.
Your mission: to conquer your opponent's King before he gets to yours. Surpass your opponent in any way conceivable.
First of all, you are going to play your home-prepped opening. Of course you make sure your opponent doesn't know what opening you are going to play this time. You keep your King safe, but simultaneously intend to keep alive your chances to attack. Then the real battle begins.
You poke around your opponent's pieces to get a better comprehension of the strong and weak parts of the positions of his pieces on the board. Will your army prove to be strong enough?
Yes! It is time to launch the decisive attack...

Garry Kimovich Weinstein

A good chess player:
- is courageous and never backs down
- has a strong memory
- is able to fathom his opponents
- creates his own chances
- jumps on the chances when they are available
- chooses the right moments to launch attacks
- manipulates and screws his opponents
- wins!

Caution: Not suitable for children under three years of age due to small parts, poopy diapers and undeveloped brainz.

Original Chess® is a two-player game of attack and defense in which tension and surprise are important elements.

The game in brief; the nature and objectives of the game of Chess®

The game of chess is played between two persons who move their pieces alternately on an 8x8 board, also called a Chess-board®. Both players are in control of an army of 16 pieces, which includes a King. The object of the game is to captivate your opponent's King.
Before the game starts, you deploy the troops like this:


Important: the square on the bottom right is light. The Queens stand on their colour; the white Queen on a white square (d1) and the black Queen on a black square (d8). The eight vertical columns of squares are called files (a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h). The eight horizontal rows of squares are called ranks (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8). A straight line of squares of the same colour, running from one edge of the board to an adjacent edge is called a diagonal.


1. Before playing for the first time or after a long hiatus: have your opponent explain the rules to you once again. In case you lose, you can always yell at him for not explaining the rules to you properly.
2. Decide who is to play with which colour. If no agreement is found, just flip a coin.
3. Decide upon the time control and set the clocks. In case all time is used up for one player (00:00), the Skull® can be clicked by the other; this awards him the win.
4. Place the chessboard on the table in between you and your opponent. Make sure the square on the bottom left is dark. If not, rotate the board 90°.
5. The pieces are meticulously set up on the two rows nearest to each player, one piece to each square. Setting up is an important part of the game; victory or defeat can depend on it. A few strategical and tactical tips are given at the end of these rules.
6. When both you and your opponent are ready, the player who plays with the black pieces (after this: "Black") starts the clocks and it is the player of the white pieces's (after this: "White") turn to move.

Playing the game

White begins! One turn consists of moving one piece of one's own colour (!) from one square to another, after which the obligation to move passes on to the other player. Each move must be made with one hand only, even castling and capturing opponent's pieces. Don't forget to tap the clock (with the same hand) after making a move on the board.
You are never allowed to move a piece of your opponent. You'll be sure to get punched in the face for that.

Moving; the moves of the pieces

The pieces and their particular ways of moving around


(The pawn, Der Bauer, Le pion, El peón, A gyalog)
The white pawns go up the board, the black pawns go down the board (similar to when football hooligans clash). A pawn may never move nor capture backwards. If a pawn is still on its own second rank, it may move either one or two squares forwards, provided both squares in front of it are unoccupied. After its first move it may only advance one square at a time; once again provided the square in front of it is not occupied by any other piece. Pawns move straight, but when capturing they move diagonally one square forwards, either to the left or to the right. Kinda wicked but you've got to live with it. Those are the rules. This capturing business is explained in more detail below. There are two more interesting things these little fellows can do. Those extra-cool moves are to be found below as well.

pawn movements


(The knight, Der Springer, Le cavalier, El caballo, A huszár)
Knights, they move like an L. Unlike other pieces they can hop over both their own pieces and those of the opponent.
The knight may leap tot any square in an "L" shape. It is the only piece which may jump over a piece in its way; since it does not pass directly over any intervening square, it cannot be blocked by any chess pieces.



(The bishop, Der Läufer, Le fou, El alfil, A futó)
The bishop moves to any square along a diagonal on which it stands - both backwards or forwards, as long as no piece is blocking its path.



(The rook, Der Turm, La tour, La torre, A bástya)
They aren't gay, or at least they will always deny such allegations in public. They go straight.
The rook may move any number of squares horizontally or vertically, as long as no piece is blocking its path.



(The queen, Die Dame, La dame, La dama, A vezér)
OMG they can go, like, everywhere.
The queen may move any number of squares in any direction, as long as no piece is blocking its path. The Queen has the powers of a Bishop and Rook combined. The Queen cannot move as a knight.


The Bishop, Rook and Queen may not move over any intervening pieces.


(The king, Der König, El rey, A király)
The King can move in any direction, but only one square at a time, provided no piece block his path. The King can capture in any direction as well.
The King may not move to a square:
occupied by one of his pieces;
where it is checked by an enemy piece;
adjacent to the opposing king (this would create a shortcircuit).

I'm the King

Extra cool moves

Pawns to the eighth rank: promotion

Once any pawn reaches its eighth rank (so the first rank for black pawns) its player must remove it from the board immediately and replace it with a piece of his own colour and must choose between queen, rook, bishop and knight. A pawn cannot promote into a King. All this counts as only one move. The next move it can be captured immediately. If not, this new piece can move immediately as if it never has been a pawn. Compare caterpillars and butterflies and think away the cocoon phase. If your original Queen hasn't been captured yet when you promote, you are still allowed to promote to a second Queen. If you don't have a queen of the right colour, you will need to snatch away one from your neighbours.

King and Rook: castling

(Castling, Die Rochade, Le roque, El enroque, Sáncolás)
If the King and Rook both haven't moved yet there is this rule that they can move simultaneously. The King moves two squares towards the rook and the rook jumps over it.
You cannot castle: if the king is in check (attacked by an enemy piece); if there is any piece between the king and the rook; if the king will be under attack by an enemy piece after the castling; if the square through which the king passes is under attack by an enemy piece; if the king or the rook (the one with which castling was going to happen) has already moved.

King castle

The Ultrasecret move: en passant

This one catches the newbies all the time. It's called en passant, or e.p. for short.
(The en passant pawn capture, Das Schlagen des Bauern im Vorbeigehen (en passant), La prise en passant du pion, Eliminar al peón "pasando" (en passant), A menet közbeni (en passant) ütés)
The possibility of en passant pawn capture only arises directly after a pawn has taken advantage of its initial move of TWO squares forward.
If the pawn had moved only one square forward, an enemy pawn could have captured it. But the en passant move makes the capture possible anyway! Notice en passant must happen immediately and only a pawn can perform this special capture; en passant is only possible during the opponent's move immediately after the two-square jump.

OMG but isn't that illegal?


1. A piece may take over the square of an opponent's piece that stands within its reach, provided the squares between itself and the captured piece are vacant (exception to this rule is capturing with a knight, those do not conform to chess conventions). The opponent's piece is taken off the board and added to the player's collection of captured pieces, with which the player may try to build a chess pile while he is sitting around during his opponent's moves. The captured piece will not participate in the game anymore, but don't destroy it or throw it away! It may come back when a pawn promotes (see section "Extra cool moves") or when you are starting a new game. You don't want to buy a new chess set for every new game you are playing. Your mileage may vary.
2. Tip! You can never capture a piece of your own colour. No more than one piece may stand on one square.
3. Capturing is always optional, unlike in inferior games such as Checkers® and Pacman®.
4. A King can never be captured. If a King of either player is attacked, it is announced by both players simultaneously yelling "CHECK!!!" (see below) and the owner of the King has to ensure the pending capture is taken away immediately. Only the moves that succeed to secure the King are considered legal. Long live the King! If there is no such move available while the King is under attack, the King is Check-mated®. Expert's Tip: keep your King safe because it is tedious to take him out of the opponent's checks all the time. A walking King under fire has a short shelf life.
5. HINT: Generally if your opponent can capture one of your pieces, you will be wanting to capture at least the same strength of piece back immediately afterwards. i.e. if your opponent captures your Queen, it will not be sufficient to capture a single Rook. Two Rooks counterbalance a Queen nicely though. The hierarchy is explained in more detail below.

The Chess Hierarchy

An explanation of the pieces, followed by their relative market worth in bold.

Your King is The Man. He's the coolest dude on the board. He doesn't have sons. He cannot be replaced. $1,000,000.000,000,000.00
The Queen is his wife. After death she can be replaced by a mistress though (pawn, see "extra-cool moves"). $9.00
The Rook is the King's luxurious homebase. Use the special move "Castling" to close its door, which stops invaders. After that the King can relax and drink a beer or two amidst his friends. $5.00
The Bishop is the King's clergy. He is working minimum wage and supposed to do a lot of the dirty laundry. $3.00
The Knights are the chess board's thugs. They prefer to work at night when they cannot be seen. They hop around everywhere harrassing young girls and robbing old men's wallets. They're an unpredictable bunch. Sometimes, when they're too hung-over from the previous weekend, they stay home to protect their King; they do this excellently, even against seemingly overwhelming force, when placed on a square directly situated next to their own King. $3.00
The pawns are the faceless middle class. Together they form a natural shelter for all your pieces... much like an egg's shell.... hmm, I like eggs..... Anyway, if you knock a boiled egg against another one, eventually one will break. Just like in chess. Never become too nervous and recklessly disconnect their natural bond; don't screw up and scramble your own egg. $1.00

Check, Check, Check-mate®

The King is said to be "in check" if it is attacked by one or more of the opponent's pieces, even if such pieces are constrained from moving to that square because they would then leave or place their own King in check. No piece of yours can be moved that would expose your King to check, even if this move would attack the opponent's King - your King would simply be captured first, and with that the game would end immediately - any move made by you that would result in a position in which your King is attacked is simply "illegal". These pieces temporarily deprived of privileges are called "pinned pieces". They can move again once the pin is relieved. This can happen in quite a lot of ways actually, for example when the opponent moves away the pinning piece; the pinning piece is captured; some other piece is placed in between the King and pinning piece; the King is moved away. In some cases the pinned piece can actually move, provided it does not expose its King - an example of this is the pinned Queen; she can still move provided it is within the pinning line. You would probably end up losing her, though. Be careful! A player may never make a move which places or leaves his own King in check. Failing to do so is very naughty.

Touch it, move it

This is a rule that may seem strange to beginners. Once you touch a piece, you actually have to move it - even if it would be a very bad move. If you touch an opponent's piece, you actually have to capture it - with any piece possible, even if it would lead to the loss of a Queen. Why? Well, for one thing it would become very messy if both players would rearrange the whole chessboard during their move. After each move both players would have to verify the position is still correct, all pieces present, all pieces still on their right spots, except the piece that moved last. After each move the complete game would have to be replayed. No. That isn't going to work. Exceptions: if none of the pieces touched can be moved or captured, the player may make any legal move. Provided that you first express your intention - for example by saying "j'adoube" (French for "leave me alone") or simply "I adjust", you may adjust one or more pieces on their squares during your move.
For chess commercial purposes, this is a cool rule - because it shows to "Think before you act".

The recording of the moves

During the game, both players record the moves (see below) on a piece of paper with a pen or pencil. Usually specially preprinted Chess Notation Forms® are used because otherwise it would become too much of a mess. Some cool geeky dudes spend $359.00 on electrical devices but unfortunately for them it only makes them look like complete dolts.

Why record the moves? To prove what happened in the game - i.e. after an illegal move has already been executed, it is hard to prove the Bishop changed colours without knowledge of the history of the game. Another reason is to be able to replay the complete game afterwards and potentially learn from it (most though prefer binning the paper immediately after the game). To feed it to your computer chess engine and see how it boasts it would have won the gane from either side.

Some old Americans use the "Descriptive notation" which is hard to describe; in the computer age it is handier to use the "Algebraic notation" (also known as Chess Algebra Abacadabra). The pieces are denoted as K (King) Q (Queen) R (Rook) B (Bishop) N (Knight but the K was already taken) P (Pawn but usually the P is left out) O-O and O-O-O (castling Kingside, Queenside). The coordinates are used. Captures are denoted by an "x". Checks are denoted by a "+". Checkmate is "#". A draw offer is "=". So after 1. e4 e5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. Qe2 a6 4. Qb5 axb5, the position is as follows:

Play chess online

The scoresheet may only be used for recording the moves, the times of the clocks, the offers of a draw, and matters relating to a claim and other relevant data. No drawings of your opponent's pompous mustache allowed.

The end of the game and the result

Both players maneuver around, one piece at a time, hitting the clock after each move. This goes on and on and on until a draw is agreed upon, most of the time when both players are bored and/or tired of playing, oftentimes after ten moves or so (especially if they're grandmasters). If one of both players refuses to offer/accept a draw offer, playing continues until all pieces (except Kings) have been captured.
Whatever the cold result, most of the time the game ends in disorder, confusion, and aporia.
1. There is an infinite number of possible games, but there can be only three results; they are denoted as 1-0 (White wins), 1/2-1/2 (draw), and 0-1 (Black wins).
2. A player may offer a draw after any move. His opponent may accept, which ends the game, or make a move, and play goes on as normal.
3. A player may resign at any point, whether his opponent accepts or not.
4. If time is up, the Skull® appears and can be clicked. This ends the game in the skull clicker's favour.
5. If the exact same position with the same side to move has been on the board three times it's time to be realistic and call it a day. No progress can be made by either player or they should have deviated before. Draw.
6. If for fifty moves long neither player has captured any piece nor has made any pawn move, it's time to be realistic and call it a day. No progress can be made by either player. Draw.
7. If the King of the player to move is under attack and he cannot do anything about it using legal measures (this does not include kicking your opponent under the table), the game ends and his opponent wins. This is called Check-mate®.
8. If the King of the player to move is not under attack but cannot make any legal move either, his opponent is a numpty: it is stale-mate. This isn't quite the same as Check-mate®. It's a draw instead. The stalemated player laughs his opponent in the face and with a smile from ear to ear calls all his nerdy friends over to show them just how much of a loser you are. This moment will be haunting you for years to come. Silly chessplayers may not even know their own telephone numbers, but they never forget such displays of incapability on the chessboard.

After the game has ended, set the pieces back to the initial position (the captured ones as well, as if nothing happened to them), switch colours and start again. Or when either player is in a bad mood, put back the pieces in the specially designed Chess-box®.

Strategy and tactics

The result of a game depends to a considerable extent on the difference of the player's strengths (also called ratings), talent, study time spent, ingenuinity, creativity, intelligence, concentration, calculcation ability, endurance, tenacity, perseverance, self-discipline, killer instinct, energy, fanaticism, will to win, luck and a generally unlikeable character.

Don't forget Chess is the most boring game the world has ever come up with. It is mainly played by grumpy old men, people who wish to evade reality every now and then - or even better, permanently.

There is no fun, it is serious business. "Chess is mental torture".

The board is in perfect balance. Both players have exactly the same force and this force is distributed exactly the same way for both sides. But it is very hard to keep the balance. The black pieces cannot simply copy white's moves to keep the equality on the board. For example 1. e4 e5 2. Qg4 Qg5 3. Qxg5. White has one move more. Black cannot reply Qg5xg4. He is missing his Queen. The dam has been broken. The flood cannot be stopped from here. There is simply too much white power of which the threats and attacks cannot be countered with equal force. This doesn't mean that 2. Qg4 is actually a good move. It exposes the Queen to attacks and the Queen will have to move again after 2. ... Nf6. The balance has been disturbed. Black's position is better, based on having made two useful moves whereas white already has to make a second useless move with the Queen. But Chess is not this simple; it is very subtle in its ways. Sometimes these seemingly useless moves (not developing anything, being exposed to threats) may actually accomplish more than two "useful" developing moves. Here 3. Qg3 attacks e5 and g7 - reasonably the pawn on e5 has to be covered immediately, and the Bishop on f8 is kind of limited in its possibilities now. Moving it away would make castling Kingside more or less impossible after Qxg7. Still, moving away the Bishop from f8 would be possible (first something like 3. ... Nc6 to cover e5 4. Nc3) because after something like 4. ... Be7 5. Qxg7 6. Rg8 Qh6 black has this open line to enjoy for his Rook while the Queen is completely out of play. Black's King will eventually castle Queenside to seek safety. Black is OK. All these considerations... it is hard to stay on top of it all. The best solution to all this mess is to just look at the board, keep all your pieces covering one another and see what happens.

What makes Chess so Wonderful, what makes Chess worth spending time on

Hard to say. It is the most boring and wonderful "game" you can spend time on. Chess is interactive art - really. Try it for yourself.
You can obtain ratings nobody cares about, yet these (increasing) ratings are the crack that keeps the fire burning for many, the reason to return to the board. Feed your ego, beat stronger players. With every game you play you see more. You become better at it. Each new game should be better than all the ones before. Only difficulty is that the Chess pieces confuse you all the time, sometimes sending you into the wrong direction. That's why you won't become stronger by only playing games of chess. You also have to "study" (reading books written by people who want to make a quick buck out of this game), but these books may send your thoughts in the wrong directions as well. Chess is fuzzy like that.

For me, the reason I keep playing chess is because the pieces keep demanding moves from me (the manipulative bastards). When I play chess it is kind of a metaphor for "Leave me alone please, can't you see I'm playing chess?". I play Chess a lot. And I like it.

01 August 2010

Heinzk's Chess Improvement Guide

Heinzk's Chess Improvement Guide

Coming soon in an Internet cafe near you.


But first things first, nonsensical chess games. I call this one "Homerun".

And here is, I proudly present, the frolicking knights.

Yeah messing about with promotions in a chess script is my type of fun, sad isn't it :p

12 July 2010

Not quite like Morphy

Not quite like Paul Charles Morphy

When I play some unrated blitz games on the Internets, I am often paired with random p1300s who always insist on playing the Philidor opening like Count Isouard and the Duke of Brunswick did vs. P.C. Morphy.


I don't know if you know this game: Morphy was white and went all-in on black's weakling play starting immediately on the flop. Those counts couldn't play proper chess while Morphy on the other hand was fairly proficient in ripping apart people who had more important things to do than playing children's board games. Replay the game on the website http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessgame?gid=1233404.

If you are rated around 1300 and you are overly excited to "play like Morphy", DO NOT play this thing as black and especially not on the Internet. It's a complete giveaway you are a chess dummy wanting to be slaughtered.

And they don't seem to understand - I have played against this crappy opening literally dozens and dozens of times and always against different p1300 players. I'll repeat: Morphy did NOT play this. MORPHY was NOT black. I can't start imagining the amount of 1300s playing chess on the web on this very moment who have memorized the Morphy game and are playing 1. ... e5 2. ... d6 3. ... Bg4 AS BLACK - like the newbie Count & Duke. Silly chess-playing Americans. They are playing chess like a couple of chess-nitwits over one hundred and fifty years ago; most certainly NOT emulating the play of one of the first chess geniuses.

Don't get me wrong, the Philidor is very playable if you're somewhat stronger and have a couple of justifying ideas under your belt like gambiting a pawn somewhere. But 3. ... Bg4 is a big no-no in my unrated-p1300 experience.

You can say "but hey they would lose whatever they play, it is INEVITABLE in any case", but my advice still stands: you 1300s should play more poker-like opening moves instead, not giving away anything of your feeble intentions; it is much more promising than immediately showing one of your low cards. I'll go all-in.

15 June 2010

Two secret miniatures

Two secret miniatures or how to beat Heinzk at ease

I was going to post things about understanding chess, improving, why play chess at all, and such things. But it's not something you can write out in a couple of hours or in a couple of weeks. I have some ideas though, but as always my thoughts are very incoherent and they don't seem to make much sense yet.

It is easier to dig up some games and post those instead; explaining and thinking about ""chess"" in smaller chunks.

The pgn

I have a file on my super duper computer in which over ten thousand blitz & bullet games are stored, all have been played by me. Battles vs. newbies and not-so-newbies. I lost about half of them.

It's about time for me to extract some valuable lessons from this gold mine of privy information.

All my secret weaknesses that nobody on the world should know about can be found shining in full glory in this computer file.

So hey Heinzk, why don't you make a blog with your greatest weaknesses and most painful experiences! Good thing this is published completely Anonymously.

Heinz is battered

The bad opening variations

There are some opening variations of which I really don't have a clue, yet I play them time and time again. Won't I ever learn??
When I filtered out my lost games and then generated a "tree" of opening moves, the following variation came up most often.

Before I started my small research I already knew that I am facing major issues in this one. White does not even need to play well in order to arrogantly crush me. He just has to play this opening variation and that's it, I roll over and play dead.

1. e4 c5 2. Nf3 d6 3. d4 cxd4 4. Nxd4 Nf6 5. Nf3 a6 6. Bc4! e6 7. Bb3! Be7 and white has a comfortable advantage; at least one that is completely decisive against me. Here's an everyday example.

Play chess online

I have lost 23 games with this exact variation after 7. Bb3 within twenty-five moves... not to mention the amount of games in which I was completely lost but stalled resignation until after the 25th move. This opening variation sucks. Note to self: hey man, maybe you should start playing it as white yourself.

Most chess players know more or less what their weaknesses and strengths are. They hide their weaknesses and only boast of their superior strengths, pretending to be completely invincible; pretending to be prepared for anything appearing on the board. They're completely convinced that everything they say with their pieces on the board is right and everything their opponents say with their pieces is wrong.

With me, things are a little bit different. Let's compare it to an attacking football player who is hampered by a hurt knee. He just ignores this minor issue; during the 90 minutes he is on the field he does not show anything, does not blink, not letting the guy that has to defend him know anything about it.

Each time I play, I cry, point at my knee, hobble around the playing field like a Cristiano Ronaldo. First chance my opponent gets, when the referee isn't watching he places his foot on my knee and I'm K.O. What a wonderful analogy. I'm the Cristiano crybaby Ronaldo of chess.

1. d4 Players have an easy ride against me after 1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 e5 3. dxe5 Ne4 4. a3. This is the main reason I was going to dump the Farajowicz very very soon but then some duffer plays 4. Qd2 Nxd2 0-1 and all my faith in Sammi is restored again.

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In the meantime I have found some sort of antidote. In the first variation I just try to play something with b7-b5 possibly followed by b5-b4, and Bc8-Bb7 - normally when I moved this bishop, it was to d7 and let it do nothing. In the 1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 variation, I should just start switching to 2. ... e6 and it's called the Nimzowitsch I believe.

As White I am trying to limit bias towards certain "moves" influence the way I play. For example, I tend to play pointless early h3s and a3s just because I "like to play the move", without any further reasoning - not because I particularly like the outcome of the move. Also I never play(ed) 1. d4 or 1. c4, simply on the basis of "not liking the move" instead of "not liking the outcome of the move". Away with the prejudices in my chess, here come the troops!

27 May 2010


Play online chess

06 April 2010

More testing than anything else

Seriesmate in 30

White makes 30 consecutive moves and mates. Only his last move may attack the black king.

If you want to see a good show, click << and then replay the moves leading up to this position. :-)

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02 April 2010

Long helpmate

In a so-called helpmate, a position is given in which Black moves first.

Black & White cooperate to reach a position in which the Black King is checkmated in the smallest amount of moves.

So Black actually is suicidal while White is sitting back...

"Never interrupt your opponent while he is making a mistake."

(I Googled that quote - Napoleon Bonaparte is supposed to have said it)

But this is not so much about black & white being big enemies; it is more like they are love partners. They collaborate in order to reach a climax. ;-)

Recently, a German Dude showed me the longest (orthodox) helpmate in terms of length composed to date; a H#28. There were some composers who made longer ones... but all of those were terribly cooked.

In the following position, the 28-move path to suicide is unique - neither side can deviate from these moves.
This effort by Bernhard Hegermann has not been surpassed ever since it was published back in 1934.

So I'll make a longer one and rewrite helpmate history. Watch this space :-P

31 March 2010

Drunk bullet fluke

Drunk bullet fluke

Paco hangover

That's all for today folks

Play online chess

That will glue a smirk on my face for a few days.